07/02/16 - "Miss You"

For those of you who do not follow me on Instagram, you don't know:

My dog, Ivanna, died on 6/20/16.

She was 18 years old.

I had her for the last 7 of those years.

She was my grandpa's dog and I took her in when my grandpa died.

I also took in another of his dogs, Daisy, but she passed a few years ago.

Although I was sad when Daisy died it was nothing like how I feel about Ivanna's passing.

Ivanna was my "baby".

Funny thing, until I met her I didn't even like dogs!

But I fell "in love" w/ her and apparently she felt the same about me and we grew to be inseparable!

Even though she was blind and deaf, both of those things happening a few years after we "inherited her", she always knew when I came from work and would seek me out the moment I walked in the door.

My husband always joked it was because of my "stink"...

But I like to think it was because we were so connected.

She ALWAYS wanted to be by my side and I tried my very best to accommodate that.

She was a spoiled dog for sure!

Her death was not unexpected.

For a few months leading up to her death she had been deteriorating and I had actually considered putting her down.

She was having all the signs of a dog at the end of it's life: beside being blind, deaf and arthritic she also had trouble walking and there were times she couldn't get back up when she fell down.

She was also having trouble w/ controlling her bladder and bowels and had some trouble breathing at times.

My husband had told me several times I needed to put her down and I knew he was right but I just couldn't; I wasn't strong enough!

She finally died while I was at work.

My son found her in the backyard and luckily it was my husband's day off so he was able to bury her before I got home.

I suffered from a lot of guilt because I wasn't there for her and also I was second-guessing my decision to not have had her put down; I felt like my weakness had made her suffer longer.

I was having a really difficult time w/ the whole situation.

A couple of days ago my son sent me 2 random photos of Ivanna he found on his phone so I decided to scrap them.

This is the first layout I created of her since her death.
Surprisingly I held it together emotionally while making it.
I think the guilt of not being with her when she died has finally (mostly) subsided and I realize that due to her condition in the months leading up to her death that she is actually "in a better place".
I miss her a lot though, hence the title of the layout.

I feel like there is so much more I want to say but am at a loss for words.

My love for her was tremendous and so is the sadness of losing her.

"Miss You"

RIP Ivanna - I love and miss you and you will always be "my baby".
XOXOXO

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For the following July SB.com Challenges:

>Scrap Your Pet
*INCLUDE TWIST of using the colors red, white and blue

>Hoarders
Everything on here, except for 3 of the buttons, is a hoarded item (over 2 years old).
*NO TWIST

>Stickers
Used 16:
-"I love my dog"
-Alphas (7)
-Self adhesive buttons (4)
-Hexagon
-paw print
-bone (in circle)
-view master
*NO TWIST

>Scrap W/ Your Scraps
1 Scrap - The blue diamond PP
*NO TWIST