Saturday, July 2, 2016

07/02/16 - "Miss You"

For those of you who do not follow me on Instagram, you don't know:
My dog, Ivanna, died on 6/20/16.
She was 18 years old.
I had her for the last 7 of those years.

She was my grandpa's dog and I took her in when my grandpa died.
I also took in another of his dogs, Daisy, but she passed a few years ago.
Although I was sad when Daisy died it was nothing like how I feel about Ivanna's passing.
Ivanna was my "baby".
Funny thing, until I met her I didn't even like dogs!
But I fell "in love" w/ her and apparently she felt the same about me and we grew to be inseparable!
Even though she was blind and deaf, both of those things happening a few years after we "inherited her", she always knew when I came from work and would seek me out the moment I walked in the door.
My husband always joked it was because of my "stink"...
But I like to think it was because we were so connected.
She ALWAYS wanted to be by my side and I tried my very best to accommodate that.
She was a spoiled dog for sure!


Her death was not unexpected.
For a few months leading up to her death she had been deteriorating and I had actually considered putting her down.
She was having all the signs of a dog at the end of it's life: beside being blind, deaf and arthritic she also had trouble walking and there were times she couldn't get back up when she fell down.
She was also having trouble w/ controlling her bladder and bowels and had some trouble breathing at times.
My husband had told me several times I needed to put her down and I knew he was right but I just couldn't; I wasn't strong enough!
She finally died while I was at work.
My son found her in the backyard and luckily it was my husband's day off so he was able to bury her before I got home.
I suffered from a lot of guilt because I wasn't there for her and also I was second-guessing my decision to not have had her put down; I felt like my weakness had made her suffer longer.
I was having a really difficult time w/ the whole situation.

A couple of days ago my son sent me 2 random photos of Ivanna he found on his phone so I decided to scrap them.
This is the first layout I created of her since her death.
Surprisingly I held it together emotionally while making it.
I think the guilt of not being with her when she died has finally (mostly) subsided and I realize that due to her condition in the months leading up to her death that she is actually "in a better place".
I miss her a lot though, hence the title of the layout.
I feel like there is so much more I want to say but am at a loss for words.
My love for her was tremendous and so is the sadness of losing her.




"Miss You"

RIP Ivanna - I love and miss you and you will always be "my baby".
XOXOXO



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For the following July SB.com Challenges:

>Scrap Your Pet
*INCLUDE TWIST of using the colors red, white and blue

>Hoarders
Everything on here, except for 3 of the buttons, is a hoarded item (over 2 years old).
*NO TWIST

>Stickers
Used 16:
-"I love my dog"
-Alphas (7)
-Self adhesive buttons (4)
-Hexagon
-paw print
-bone (in circle)
-view master
*NO TWIST

>Scrap W/ Your Scraps
1 Scrap - The blue diamond PP
*NO TWIST

3 comments:

  1. So sorry for your loss -- losing our fur babies is so hard :( I love love love the lo you made in her honor ... just beautiful!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm so sorry to hear this. It sounds like she was a wonderful companion and you were both blessed to have each other. You've made a beautiful memorial page.

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for all your comments!!! They really mean a lot to me!!!